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Archive for November, 2010

The Shadow Knows: Part IV – Female Sexual Psychology

Tuesday, November 30th, 2010

In Part IV, I’m going talk about dealing with women’s shadows.  Because that’s a large part of pickup in the final analysis.  The only way to leave the shadow out of it is with arranged marriages, where you could appeal to the woman’s family with logic and they would marry her off to you.

Not anymore…the ironic thing is that many(most?) men still think, as I once did, that appealing to women’s logic, their persona、 is what’s going to get you the chick.  Often times, it goes something like this, “I was nice, I have a good job, and I took her out and paid for everything.  Therefore she should want to be my girlfriend, or at least fuck me.”

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way.  If it did, I never would have learned game.

As I said in part II, most(all?) of our motivations are in our subconscious and a large portion of that is in our Shadow.  Many of our actions in life are to find ways to express our shadows without violating social norms.

Pickup really is about letting women express their shadow in spite of social conditioning while doing it in such a way that they don’t “feel bad”.  And this is what makes it so difficult.

If you look out my go to movie, Titanic you can see this in action.  Rose feels OK about being a “slut” because:

1) It’s “true love”(golden shadow)

2) She begins to see her normal world as being bad(actually, in Titanic, Jack was in a fairly good position because she was already disenchanted and just didn’t know that there could be something different).

In fact she was on “death ground” when he met her, literally, since she was planning to jump and kill herself.  So at that point she was pretty desperate to try anything and Jack showed up and gave her a new way to look at and experience life.

Most of us aren’t so lucky to happen upon the desperate(nor would you want to, believe me!), plus, we’ve got an even more serious problem when it comes to Asian women:

The social conditioning is much more rigid than in the west AND the realities are that women logically need men more in Asia and thus who they fuck and marry and have relationships with is more important than it is for Western women who can take care of themselves, “Thank you very much.”

Women who Robert Greene, in his book Overcoming Your shadow, where the author talks about falling in love as projecting the good points of your shadow on to another person.  And this is exactly why the exotic fetishist is so easily drawn to foreigners.

It also explains why Rose(in Titanic) is drawn to Jack who embodies all of the traits that her upper class upbringing have forced her to repress.  And that it what I’ll write about in part V–the concept of falling in love as projecting your shadow out there.

If there’s any aspect that I’ve covered that you think isn’t clear or that you’d like me to go into more, by all means let me know.  Your feedback and thoughts help to sharpen my own thinking.

Also, I suggest you read this article on the concept of the Jungian shadow.

Singapore Approach Mastery Boot Camp

Monday, November 22nd, 2010

JUST ANNOUNCED!

RedpoleQ will be in Singapore to teach a boot camp from December 3-5th.

Interested?

Sign up for a FREE 30-min phone consultation to get more info.

The Shadow Knows: Part III – Male Sexual Psychology

Thursday, November 11th, 2010

Guys learning game and in the pickup community tend to have a lot of sexual desires in their shadows. 

In Owning Your Own Shadow the author says that you can think of your shadow and your persona as being on opposite sides of a scale and that the two have to be in balance.  You can do that, either by actively finding ways to express your shadow, or by moving things over from your shadow into your persona(ie learning to make those things part of the character you portray to others).

I think that this is why guys who learn game, become waaaaay more balanced as people.  They find healthy ways(through relationships with women, short or long term) to express the sexual side that they’ve been repressing for lack of satisfactory outlets. 

In men I would say that one major part of the shadow side of their sexuality is the rapist.  In women, I’d say the shadow side is the whore/slut(which of course brings ust Pretty Woman and Titanic, but more on that later).

So, the rapist wants to have sex with a woman just because he finds her physically attractive.  The internal DNA instructions are saying, “IMPREGNATE HER!” which comes out in normal human language as, “Holy shit, I want to fuck that girl!” or some variation thereof.

Instead of slinking off into the corner and masterbating(though they may still do that too) is that guys can also indulge in their fantasies by walking up to the girl and actually opening up the possibility of having a relationship(sexual or otherwise) without vilolating any social rules.

This is a huge leap. 

I knew this guy who if a girl had sex with him, she was automatically a slut.  It was the weirdest thing and reminded me of the old Graucho Marx quote, “I DON’T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER.”

But when you look at this behavior from the concept of the shadow it begins to make total sense.  If he’s expressing aspects of himself that shouldn’t be expressed(ie are not acceptable in society) then any woman who accepts that part of him undermines his persona and must be degraded and discarded(ie “sacrificed”).

In some ways, the situation of women in the early nineteenth century
has become generalized in the early twenty-first. The outlets for male bad
behavior—war, dirty politics, the institution of mistresses and courtesans—
have faded away; today, not just women but men are supposed to be emi¬
nently civilized and reasonable. And many have a hard time living up to
this. As children we are able to vent the darker side of our characters, a side
that all of us have. But under pressure from society (at first in the form
of our parents), we slowly repress the naughty, rebellious, perverse streaks
in our characters. To get along, we learn to repress our dark sides, which
become a kind of lost self, a part of our psyche buried beneath our polite
appearance.

-The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, p. 354

 Suggested Reading:

 



The Shadow Knows: Part II – Guest Post by Sexual Kimchi

Thursday, November 4th, 2010

This is Sexual Kimchi here and when I read RedpoleQ’s 1st article on the shadow, I wanted to get in on the action since this is an area I really found useful to explore in my own life.

Lets start with an exercise in Shadow work. (Don’t read the whole article, until you’ve done the exercise.)

 

First, take a piece of paper and fold it in half. Now, I want you to think of someone you genuinely admire. Write their name in the top of one of the columns. Take a couple of minutes and really picture them in your head. It can be someone famous, someone from you life, or a fictional character. Use as many details as possible. Visualize the person, the details, the context, and add in all of the sensory input that you associate with this person. Now I want you to write down all of their attributes that you admire in one column. Give the whole thing about 10 minutes.

 

Now, take a break. Get up, walk around, put Beastie Boys’ “Check Your Head” on. Pogo.

 

Then, when you are done with that nonsense, sit down and think of someone you despise. Same as before, although this time it works better if it is someone you have personal experience with. Write their name down at the top of the other side of the paper. Imagine all of the details of that person. How they look, how they talk, their body language. Write down all of the characteristics of that person that makes you hate them. Write for 10 minutes.

 

Take a look at both sides of the paper, then scroll down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Guess what? Both of them are you. Those attributes you have listed are parts of yourself that you have projected onto others. “If you spot it, you got it”. We become unduly annoyed or enraptured by certain things in others because those are the parts of ourself that we are suppressing. That is your shadow getting out. No matter how hard we try to contain it, the thing keeps slipping out.

 

(If you are anything like me, you would look at that list and see that there are obvious contradictions on it. How can I be both brave and a coward, for example? To put it simply, we are all different people in different contexts. It is quite possible for one person to be brave in one context and a coward in another.)

 

The shadow is the parts of ourselves we don’t own up to. That can be the “best” and “worst” parts of ourselves.

 

As we grew up, we all learned that certain parts of ourselves are socially unacceptable.

 

I see the shadow as being the metaphorical outcome of the socialization process. Think about being a kid again. Think of all the instruction your parents gave you on how to be a good boy or girl, and how they discouraged antisocial behaviour. Think about the pressure you felt to fit in with your friends, and how they discouraged anyone from being different. Its just part of being a social animal. We’ve all been conditioned by others and have modeled others, to the point where a vast amount of Us isn’t really us. And the Us that doesn’t get exercised gets thrown into the shadow.

 

Jung said we have psychological “gold” in our shadows. That they are a massive source of creative energy and fulfillment. The hard part is tapping into that energy.

Want to Get Better With Women? There AreTwo Simple Ways to Put the Odds in Your Favor

Monday, November 1st, 2010

There is so much information out there about meeting women and dating.  There’s complete stories for you to repeat, games you can play, concepts to master, etc.

BUT, it really comes down to two things, and everything about picking up and dating women is at essence about these two things.  When you know and understand what these two things are, you can improve your success rate much more easily than most guys can.

Most guys who are learning this stuff want to know EVERYTHING.  In fact you’re probably reading this because you’re a logical guy who wants to know how to get from point A to point D and doesn’t want to step out the door until you have full color map with all the detours highlighted in yellow so that you’ll be ready for any and every contingency.

Unfortunately, what that means is that you’re still sitting at home rather than having a great time with the ladies.  Whatever your level of skill with women is now, you can have more success just based on simple math.

Here it is, the first thing you need to do to improve your success with women:

1) Increase the total number of interactions you have with women

What a relief, right?  Because what it means, is that whatever your level of skill is with women right now, there are some that you could have success with.  Trust me on this.

Even the lamest of the lame guys get laid occasionally.  So you have to get out there and meet more women.  If you do that and nothing else, you will have more success–more phone numbers, more dates, and more sex.  You can’t not–it’s simple math.

And now the second thing:

2) Increase the effectiveness of each interaction

I’m talking about increasing those percentages, so that instead of 100 interactions to get 1 number, you only need 50 to get 1, and then 20 to get 1.  I’m talking about improving so that instead of 50 phone numbers to get one date, you only need 30, or only 10.

And most deliciously of all, going from needing to go on dates with 30 women to have sex with 1, you can reduce that number to 10 or even 5. I bet that would make dating a lot more exciting for you, wouldn’t it?

You need a two pronged attack. 

When my father was a kid, he used to tell my grandmother that he was worried about becoming perfect.  Her answer, “No danger”.

Instead of worrying about being perfect, go out there and put those numbers in your favor.  Because you can have more success if you change nothing at all about yourself, and with even small improvements you can make that success come faster.