Many guys who move to Japan are interested in dating local women and finding a Japanese girlfriend. Unfortunately, many of them get here and realize that finding a Japanese girl to date is WAY harder than they expected. Language barriers, cultural differences and a lack of skills can make dating Japanese girls very difficult.
Fortunately, at Pickup Japan, we know all about Japanese dating culture. In this guide, we’ll show you how to go from frustrated gaijin to Don Juan in Japan!
What Kinds of Girls Do You Like?
The first step to having a fulfilling relationship with a Japanese girl is to actually figure out WHICH KIND of girl you’d like to be dating. It’s a great idea to spend some time thinking about what your ideal girlfriend would be like. How does she dress? What kind of personality does she have? Is she funny? Hardworking? Does she have any hobbies? Grab a pen and piece of paper and write down all of the qualities you’d like in a potential girlfriend.
If you don’t have much dating experience or a clear picture of what you want, that’s fine too! Just write down some general ideas. The point of this exercise is to make you more aware of what you’re looking for so when you actually start to meet women, you can tell if a specific girl is a good match for you.
Hitting The Streets
After you’ve written down some general qualities you’d like in girls, the next step will be to actually start hitting the streets and heading to spots where girls actually hang out. The point of this exercise is to get comfortable being around Japanese women and seeing lots of different types of girls so you can further refine your ideal girl qualities.
If you’re in Tokyo (or planning to visit) and want some suggestions on places to go, you can start by checking out our article on where to meet Japanese girls in Tokyo.
Keep an eye on the kinds of clothing different girls are wearing, because the next step to a better dating life in Japan is to…
Start Dressing Better
If you’ve spent any amount of time in Japan, you’ve probably noticed that, on average, people dress much better here than in the west. The bar is set much higher in Japan and if you want to date the women you’re really interested in, you’ll probably have to make some changes to your style.
Is it necessary to have good fashion if you want to get a Japanese girlfriend? Absolutely not. You can definitely date Japanese girls without looking like a GQ model, but developing a better fashion sense is a great idea and it will make your dating life in Japan MUCH easier.
So, how should YOU dress?
Remember that exercise above where you wrote about the kinds of women you’d like to date? Well that’s going to play an important part here.
How you should dress will depend on which kinds of girls you want to attract. You’ll want to dress for your “target market”, so to speak. Remember that women are looking for the “best match”, so you’ll need to align your fashion choices with the kind of girl(s) you’re interested in. Do you want to date an elegant and organized girl? Start dressing the part with cleaner, more blazers, dress shirts or more formal outfits. Interested in Japanese rocker girl who plays guitar in a band? Then it might be a good idea to make your image a bit edgier and aggressive with ripped jeans or a leather jacket.
The point is that you should dress in a way that’s likely to appeal to the girls you want to date. Japan is famous for all of its great fashion styles and subcultures, so don’t be afraid to try things out and experiment. This is another reason why it’s important to hit the streets often and keep an eye out for the kinds of female fashion that interests you.
It should also go without saying, but also be sure to keep yourself well-groomed: brush your teeth, shower regularly, wear deodorant, etc. You always want to make a good impression when you meet a girl you really like.
Learn to Speak Japanese
While it’s possible to date Japanese girls without speaking Japanese, I highly recommend learning at least some basic conversational Japanese to make your life easier.
A great, low effort way to start learning some Japanese is by downloading spaced-repetition program Anki and then grabbing some of the popular Japanese vocab decks. Anki is a great flashcard program that uses a special algorithm to improve your chances of remembering the cards you review.
You can start by reviewing your Anki flashcards for 15 – 20 minutes every day. It doesn’t take much time and you’ll have vocab you can start using right away.
Being able to speak Japanese will increase the size of your dating pool massively. If you can speak Japanese, you’ll also set yourself aside from many foreigners in Japan who aren’t willing to take the time to learn the language.
By learning Japanese, not only do you make it easier to date the girls you’re interested in, but you also communicate to girls that you have an interest in Japan and Japanese culture. This will definitely flag you as a good long-term prospect for Japanese girls.
If you plan on staying in Japan for long periods of time or want to date Japanese girls, then learning the language is a great time investment.
Go To Events and Meet More People
Building a bigger social circle is a great way to improve your dating life in Japan. The more you get out of the house and meet new people, the more opportunities you’ll have for dating. In Japan, it’s very common for local Japanese girls to meet their boyfriends through their school or work social circles.
There are tons of events and meetups that you can take advantage of while living in Japan. Many of them are in the capital city of Tokyo, but a quick search on Meetup.com reveals plenty of events in other Japanese cities like Osaka, Kyoto and Fukuoka.
Some good events to start with are the ones offered through the International Party website. Some of their events include a regular speed dating event, business networking event and even a pizza party.
Of course, if you like nightlife, there’s always the famous Tokyo Pub Crawl, where you can meet new friends and explore the many bars and clubs Tokyo has to offer. Tokyo Pub Crawl holds events weekly, so if you’re ever in the mood for a night out and a chance to meet some new friends it can always be a good default option!
If you’re looking for a group of like-minded guys who are focused on dating and personal development, The Japan Lair is one of the longest-running men’s self-improvement groups in Japan.
Have a Plan
If you’re trying to find a Japanese girlfriend, it’s important to have a plan for meeting women in Japan. Finding a girlfriend can be a time-consuming process, so it’s important to have a strategy for how to meet girls and then what you’ll do once you actually meet them.
Where and how will you meet Japanese girls?
First you should decide how you’re going to meet girls. There are many different options, including:
- Bars, clubs and nightlife venues
- Shopping areas or busy streets
- Cafes, restaurants, subway stations
- Dating apps (Tinder, OkCupid, JapanCupid, etc.)
- Social circle (work, school, etc.)
At Pickup Japan, we highly recommend meeting girls in-person at busy venues like clubs or cafes, but online dating is becoming increasingly popular, so if you’re feeling uncomfortable about meeting girls in-person, online dating can be a good place to get started. Just remember that online dating is quite competitive, so it may not give the best results!
What should you say to start a conversation with a Japanese girl?
If you need some ways to start conversations with Japanese girls you like, these are all good choices:
How do you read this Kanji?
Do you know where I can find socks for my cat?
Where can I find a good Takoyaki shop in Tokyo?
Remember that if you ask indirect questions like this, you’ll want to transition the conversation to focus on her and convey your interest to try and progress the interaction.
When you meet Japanese girls for the first time, you should always be prepared and have a plan for what you’re going to say. Remember that Japanese girls looking for a boyfriend want to find a guy who’s a good match for her. You’ll need to think about how to let your best qualities come out in conversation.
Think about what makes you different from every other gaijin who wants to date a Japanese girl. Choose some of the best aspects of your personality and think of good ways to communicate those with storytelling and normal conversation. Showing some interest in Japanese culture and lifestyle can be a huge bonus as well.
What should you do once you’ve met a Japanese girl you like?
After meeting a girl you really like, you’ll want to progress things with her and work towards a relationship. The best way to do this is by bringing girls out on dates.
It’s a good idea to have an assortment of good date spots ready (restaurants, cafes, parks, bars, etc.) so do some research and be prepared for when it’s time to go out on a date with a girl you like!