Contents
AFE/PFE
The AFE and the PFE refer to parts of the vagina that can bring women to orgasm when stimulated properly.
AFE stands for Anterior Fornix and PFE stands for Posterior Fornix. Anterior means front so it’s closer to you when you’re face to face with her, and posterior means back so it’s further away when you’re face to face.
More typically, if a girl is laying on her back, the AFE is up and the PFE is down.
After the clitoris the PFE and AFE are the spots that are easiest for bringing women to orgasm. Typically, hitting these during penetration are what lead to female orgasm during intercourse.
You can stimulate these with your fingers and unlike the clitoris they can take continuous stimulation after orgasm so that they are better for giving girls multiple orgasms than the clitoris is.
It takes some practice finding and getting used to the, but typically it’s best to stimulate with the middle and ring finger together.
To find the AFE with a girl laying on her back, insert your fingers into the vaginal canal, palm up, with the length of your fingers against the top of the vaginal canal and then slide them back until the tips of your fingers hit the back and can’t go any deeper–then press upwards.
Do the same to find the PFE but insert with your palm down. As you can see in the diagram, the PFE is further back and to reach it you may need to push her legs back. The PFE is also called the “deep spot” by some writers.
Approach Invitation
An approach invitation is when a girl or group of girls gives you an IOI before you’ve started an interaction. Most typically it’s a smile, or strong eye contact held for a few seconds.
Approach Invitations can also be more explicit like brushing by you while passing, making a comment to you about something you’re wearing, or asking you a question.
Frequently guys think that these are just incidental and of course they may be, but when a girl chooses to interact with a guy it’s frequently because she has some level of attraction as I explained in the section on proximity.
Assume the best and you’ll maximize your opportunities!
Close
A close can be any of several steps in the pickup process. Some of the standard ones are #close, k-close, f-close.
#close = number close which is when you get a girl’s phone number. More recently as various apps have become more common, we tend to be more specific with things like Instagram-close, Facebook-close, LINE-close, Kakaotalk-close, or the more general contact-close.
The next common close in old-school pickup was the kiss-close, or k-close for short. In western pickup, kissing is a key element of progressing the pickup and making it sexual, but in Asia the k-close isn’t so important, since make-outs aren’t as much of a key element to sexcalation.
Finally, there is the full-close, or f-close though this is commonly just shortened to close. Full close, is full on sex.
Cold/Warm Approach
In the last newsletter, I explained what an “open” is. This time you’ll learn what a cold approach is, what a warm approach. You can meet girls in a variety of situations–at a club, at a museum, at a cafe, at a restaurant, at work, at a friends party and many more.
A cold approach is when you meet someone in an environment where there is no known or obvious social connection between you and the girl. Opening a girl at the mall is a cold approach. In contrast, an example of a warm approach is if you open a girl at salsa dancing class or a salsa dancing event. In the case of the warm approach, she is somewhat obligated to be nice and interact with you because you travel in the same social circle as she does (salsa).
In the case of cold approach, however, she could be totally rude and blow you off with no social consequences which is why cold approach scenarios are usually more uncomfortable, anxiety inducing and nerve wracking! On the other hand, with cold approach, you get much clearer signals because if a girl is responsive, talkative and asking you questions, then it shows she has a pretty high interest level whereas in warm approach the greater pressure to be polite means that she may seem interested even when she’s not.
Another aspect of warm approach is that she can feel more comfortable because she has ways to get information about you and access to people who know about you. In cold approach, you could lie about everything about you and she’d have no way to verify it. Sometimes the difference between warm and cold isn’t so clear cut.
For example, if you work at a mall and you approach another girl who also works at the mall, it has some aspects of cold approach because she doesn’t know you work there when you first open her, but ultimately she does have access to you because she knows where you work and she also works there.
In any case, the specifics aren’t that important, but what is important is to understand that there is a range from a totally cold approach–opening a girl at a bar where you are also a customer–to totally warm–your friend introduces you to a female friend as a possible dating option.
In general, most guys prefer warm approach because of the lower risk of rejection and because the girls are friendlier. However it does have some cons that cold approach doesn’t have. Because warm approach isn’t anonymous, she will seem more interested in you, even when she’s just being polite.
Many guys misread this as interest and feel quite embarrassed later when they find out that the girls isn’t actually interested, or even worse, has a boyfriend already who is IN the social circle too! Also warm approach tends to move towards a more serious relationship because of the social pressure against casual sex that she would feel by people in her social circle knowing she’s sleeping with you.
Another con, is that if things go badly, you still have to see that person on a regular basis which can be uncomfortable. Cold approach on the other hand keeps things a lot cleaner because it’s just you and her–more difficult up front, but simpler in the long run. Ultimately, you should DO BOTH, but understand the varying challenges you’ll face.
Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, etc
Instead of saying 1st date, 2nd date, etc, we tend to track by days.
The day 1 is the first time we met them. Typically from an approach. In the case of an approach, a day 1 is where we make first contact if it’s at a cafe, on the street, at a club or bar, etc.
For example, I was at a food stand today with some friends and while we were waiting for my friends food, 2 girls (a 2-set) came and ordered something as well.
So, while we were waiting, I opened them and got my target’s (the girl I wanted’s) contact information. This was the day 1 and it ran about 10min.
Since then we’ve had some texts back and forth and everything is looking good. Hopefully this weekend or sometime next week I can schedule the day 2, the 2nd time I’ll see her.
The reason we prefer to count by the number of days is because date has a lot of connotations around it. It’s usually a structured time where a girl and a guy who are romantically interested in one another decide to set aside some time to meet one on one.
However, in progressing a sarge (a pickup) the goal isn’t necessarily that. Sometimes it can be hard to get a top shelf girl to set aside time just for you.
As an example, McConnell and I are going out tomorrow with some girls we picked up at a club a few weeks back. It’s not a date, because it looks like there will be 3 girls and 2 guys there, but it is still a great time to progress the sarge.
The idea is that by counting the number of interactions (no matter the nature of the interactions) we can see the progress of things without tying it to some pre-conceived notion of how things “should” be.
The day 1 was McConnell and I talking to this chick, her friend, one other girl and 5 guys at their table and also on the dance floor.
The day 2, scheduled for tomorrow, is going to be some noodles and a small hike with 5 people (2 guys and 3 girls), and for all I know the day 3 might be her going with me to the laundromat and then taking her home while we wait to move it into the dryer…or maybe we’ll be late to pick it up if things go really well.
The point is that the number of interactions and the number of dates, can be totally separate things and the goal is to move things in the right direction.
Finally, I want to say that with the rise of Tinder, we call Tinder dates either Tinder day 1s or internet day 1s–the distinction is important because on a cold/warm approach day 1 the full-close (sex) rate is MUCH lower than it is on a Tinder day 1.
DHV
Display of High/Higher Value:
Girls want to be with a guy who has value. When guys look at women, value is largely about beauty and not being annoying though there can be other factors like her interests, career, skills, etc.
For men, there are a wider array of value you can have that appeal to women (and thank god for that!).
A DHV is anything that shows you have high or at least, highER value than an average guy.
This can be a display of talent (like playing the piano), a display of experience (all those travel photos people have on social media), a display of skill (like scuba diving), a display of knowledge and taste (hello delicious food pics!), etc.
Not every display will appeal to every girl. For some, showing of a new tattoo you got will make them go wild, but for another girl it would do the opposite while another girl would go wild over your fully stacked bookshelf.
You can’t win them all, but if no girls know, then they can’t get excited about your in the first place which is why integrating DHVs is such an important part of running good game.
IOD – Indicator of Disinterest
An indicator of disinterest is anything a girl says or does that shows or implies that she is not interested in you. IODs can vary from small things like her feet pointing away from you when you are talking, to her taking out her phone and watching Instagram stories, to her making a rude comment.
IODs could be because the girl is genuinely not interested in you, but it could also mean that she’s nervous, shy or uncomfortable for some reason (like her boyfriend standing nearby, or being late for work).
During the sarge, you should note IODs you get, but you shouldn’t react to them, because reacting to an IOD is a DLV. When you notice an IOD you should make adjustments to your sarge like standing further away from her, or eliminating pauses and dead space in conversational threads.
As a beginner you will get a lot of IODs and you probably won’t know what to do about them, but as your improve and know what to do, you can quickly recognize what you might be doing to generate the IOD and what you should be doing to correct it.
Note that giving her a compliment is almost never the right way to handle and IOD.
IOI – Indicator of Interest
An IOI is anything a girl does that shows interest in you. This can vary from a smile to her asking questions about you to reverse kino.
Traditionally, IOIs were used as a gauge of how well the sarge is going and when to progress to the next phase, however IOIs are notoriously hard to read, unless you’re in a night game cold approach situation where girls tend to be standoffish.
In other environments, where girls are obligated by social norms to be polite, it is very difficult to tell the difference between an IOI and a false IOI.
LMR (Last Minute Resistance)
Because of the recent cultural shifts in the US especially, this term has fallen out of usage, but it’s a very important concept to understand because it is an almost inevitable stage in sexcalation (sexual escalation).
Almost invariably, girls have mixed feelings about having sex with a new partner. On one hand they’re excited about it, and they are having a good time, but on the other hand, they worry about the various consequences and repercussions that could come from having sex–emotions are confusing and sex is a very emotional subject and everyone has sexual regrets in their past.
As a result it’s very typical that at some point between making out and penetration, girls will think about stopping, and may actually stop, say it’s too soon, that she doesn’t know you well enough, or suggest doing something else.
We call this LMR.
It’s important to understand though that when you get LMR, it’s not about the girl resisting YOU. Many guys take it personally–if she wasn’t interested in sex with you, then she wouldn’t be at the point where she would need to shut it down in the first place!
Really, there are some internal conflicts that she’s dealing with that make her feel uncomfortable or nervous about having sex at that moment.
Typically, when something like this happens, you should back up to whatever she’s comfortable with or stop completely. One of the things that can make girls feel uncomfortable is that you want the sex really badly.
When you back up or stop, it shows that you don’t really care, so she really knows she’s doing it because she wants to and not because she feels pressure to do it.
LTR/mLTR
Long Term Relationship and multiple Long Term Relationships:
An LTR is an ongoing sexual relationship and mLTR is multiple long term relationships. In the case of mLTR we’re making it clear that we have more than one ongoing sexual relationship.
Open
An open (also called an approach) is when you go and talk to or interact with someone with no introduction. This can be on the street, at a mall, cafe, bookstore, clothing shop or anywhere you see people outside on the street or at a club or bar.
It’s an open if you’re at an event and you start an interaction with a total stranger or a group of strangers. It can be anything from a quick exchange like a wave or a fist bump, to asking a question that leads to a conversation or making a statement that allows the other person to comment on.
The open is the first step towards attracting a girl.
Ping Message
In dating, timing is important. You could meet a great girl but because she’s graduating soon, is in the middle of exams, recently had a pet die (I’m serious about this last one), she won’t make plans to meet you.
A lot of guys get upset and take this personally–they assume quite wrongly–that if she perceived them as being high value enough, then she would drop everything for him. This is definitely not true as you can see here when James Franco gets shut down by a 17yo!
Sometimes, it’s on you though, and you’re just too busy to set aside time to meet a girl. When this happens, we use a ping message to revive the interaction. A ping message can be a picture, a short story, a video or a voice message. The main goal of a ping message is to give her an emotional experience that makes her feel positively towards us and want to engage with us again.
Typically to create a ping message, you want to modify something that you have been sharing or discussing with your friends or other girls that they really enjoyed. And while you could send a meme or funny YouTube clip, it’s better if it’s something that is directly related to you, but it could also be something basic, like wishing them a happy birthday or a happy new year.
Ping messages can even be effective on girls you haven’t spoken to for months or even years! So don’t be too quick to burning those numbers.
Proximity
Subconsciously, humans move closer to things that are attractive or of value. As such, when a girl or group of girls stands closer to you than is typical for the setting you’re in it is one sign that she or they will be receptive to meeting and interacting with you.
This is especially true for a social setting like a bar, party or other social event where people can move about freely and less true for settings like a movie, cafe or street corner where there are many other NON-SOCIAL factors that influence why people are standing where they are.
While it’s not a 100% indicator, it’s something to be aware of and to note when you’re out.
Sarge
Sarge is an old pickup term with unknown origins that means “doing pickup” or “running a particular pickup”.
Generally it’s limited to talking about the initial approach, and doesn’t include the progression into the first date, etc
Typical usage examples are:
- Let’s go sarging tomorrow.
- I was sarging this girl yesterday and…
- It was a great sarge!
- I haven’t sarged in forever and I need to get back out there
- I sarged 5 girls last night.
Set
A set refers to a group of girls or a group of guys and girls that we can open.
If it’s a group of girls and guys, it’s called a MIXED set. If it’s 2 girls, we call it a 2-set, if it’s 2 girls and 1 guys, we call it a mixed 3 set. For a girl on her own, which you normally see only in day game, we call it a single set.
This terminology is useful for referring to girls or groups of girls you’re thinking about approaching without tipping off people nearby as-to what you’re up to.
Sexcalation
Sexual + escalation is when you move things from friendly talk and touching to increasingly sexual talk and touching as things progress towards sex.
You can sexualize non-verbally (with eye-contact, voice tonality, for example) and also with the atmosphere you create–the mood you set in a room–as well a with how you touch.
You can sexualize verbally with sexual innuendo, talking about sex, and saying sexual things. These are all tools we use to put a girl in a sexual state and turn her on so she wants to have sex.
There are many ways to do it, but typically guys wait too long and end up in the “friend zone” where you’ve created a bond that makes sexcalation seem awkward or out of place. Also, if you add very basic sexcalation earlier in your interactions with women, they’ll feel that you are not interested in just being friends and if they are not open to that at all, they will disengage from you and you can find someone more receptive.
It takes a lot of practice to get good at this, especially if you’re not very sexually experienced, and especially in the current social environment there is a lot of confusion about what is and isn’t ok, so tread cautiously and carefully.
SNL/ONS
Same Night Lay/One Night Stand
In the normal world, these two things are synonymous, but in the world of pickup, these are two VERY different things.
A One Night Stand is when sex happens once and never again. However a one night stand could happen on a day 2, day 3, day 4, etc. And contrary to popular belief, the longer it takes before sex happens, doesn’t equate to the relationship lasting longer.
I’ve dated girls for years like 4+ who I had sex with on the first date, and I’ve had girls that I didn’t have sex with until the 4th or 5th date, who never saw me again–in fact, when you’re doing things right, usually sooner sex equates to longer lasting relationships.
On the other hand a Same Night Lay, is when you meet a girl and have sex with her the same night you meet her. There are also Same Day Lays where you meet the girl in the daytime at a cafe or a mall and have sex with her that same day.
Normal people assume that if you meet a girl at a club or bar and take her home that night, that it must be a One Night Stand, but that’s actually not true at all. Because whether a girl wants to keep seeing you again and whether you have sex the first night you meet are two totally separate issues.
The reason people make this mistake is because they assume that if you took a girl home that night, that there was a lot of drunkenness and that you two stumbled home barely conscious so that when the sun rose the next day, you both realized you’d just slept with a stranger.
That’s one way to do it, but really,the difference between sex on the first night you meet, or on the 3rd date is just TIME and the quality of that time. Just because you meet a girl at a club or a bar at 1am doesn’t mean that you can’t spend the next 5 hours getting to know her.
You may meet her in a club, but you want to bounce her out of there as quickly as possible. Get some food, go for a walk, find a quiet place to sit and talk and get to know each other before you take your clothes off and she’ll come back for more in the future.
Social Proof
People are social animals and the use the behavior of others to judge and make decisions about the best course of action. There are lots of examples like people choosing a restaurant that’s full over the empty one next to it, or people wanting to know those with high follower counts on social media.
Additionally, studies also show that if you are part of a group, you look more attractive than if you’re seen alone. Psychologists call this the “cheerleader effect”.
In pickup, especially in a club situation we can use these principles in a few different ways to improve the chance that girls will be receptive on the approach.
One of the simplest ways to use social proof is to befriend a bar tender so that people can see you talking to them. When they engage with you in a friendly way, it will make others who see you more receptive to talking to you.
You could do a similar thing at a cafe too.
Another way that we use social proof is to interact with and talk to one set, and then moving on to another set nearby gradually working our way towards the ultimate target.
Obviously, going out with a mixed group helps as well, so if you go out with a friend and he has a girlfriend with him, then that can also work very well for generating social proof.
Target/Obstacle
In any set, at some point, you should choose one girl to go after. That girl is called the target. There are several reasons for that.
One is that if you have a wingman with you, by choosing your target, he can go all out for any other girls in that set, also known as the obstacles.
By clearly identifying the target in some way, means that you and your wingman won’t get in each other’s ways competing for the same girl.
Also, if you have the rule in place that the guy who opens the set gets first pick of the girls, you incentivize guys to open sets so they won’t get stuck with the ugly obstacle.
So instead of competing IN a set, for the same girl, they can be competing to GET INTO a set, which means more approaches! It’s win-win.
And even if you’re alone, it’s really good practice to choose a target, because at some point in the interaction you’re going to have to show interest, and if you’re confused about who you’re going for, then they will be too–many guys end up in the “friend zone” just for that reason.
They can’t decide which to go for, so instead of running the set properly, they play it so safe, the girls don’t even get a teeny bit moist between the legs.
Not good.
