East Vs West
I mentioned in the first post that there were some differences between ‘The West” and “The East” in terms of Game and how it all works.
So now I’m gonna have a waffle at you about that and how understanding that can improve your dating life in Asia.
(Check out our upcoming summit in May, Korea, http://www.AllAsiaSummit.com)
The most important difference I will hurl at you all is this:
In Asia, women need men.
Shocking right? Here’s what that means:
In most Asian countries, girl’s can’t be seen as ‘successful’ by just getting a good degree and a job.
Although if a girl has no degree, no job and marries some rich dude who will provide for her and gets her pregnant – she’s successful.
Most Asian girls though are expected to study well and get an education that would make them a ‘good match’ for a local guy of similar or higher value.
This isn’t my view, this is the view held by god knows how many millions of Asian mothers, fathers and old school grand parents.
So how does this affect things?
Well back home, lots of girls can pretty much go through life quite successfully without needing a man, they can earn their own money, have equal to greater opportunities to get great jobs and don’t get anywhere near the social pressure that Asian girls do.
So its overall much easier for them to achieve that stereotypical success, this drastically changes their attitudes and behavior in terms of dating.
However in Asia, most girls are always on the look out to ‘lock down’ a guy who has the ‘right stuff’ i.e good education, a good job, money, hopefully decent looks and comes from a good family, both for their own personal desires and also because of pressure from their family.
One KEY difference being how people view age.
For most Asian countries, once a girl hit’s 25 years of age, she’s becoming ‘old’ and going to find it increasingly more difficult to get married, as marrying young (20 to 23) is the norm.
Once a girl hit’s 25, her parents and extended family will freak out and start introducing every decent guy they know, in an effort to get her married asap!
This all really just means that you need to be really aware of the social programming that influences your girl’s way of thinking, especially since dating a foreigner isn’t a socially ‘acceptable’ thing to do for a lot of Asian families (although times are changing) so you’re always going to be bumping into her social programming that is fighting with her feelings.
The difference in social programming of course varies quite a lot depending on where your girl comes from, a girl from a small city in Yunnan is vastly different from a girl from Shanghai.
A simple example of this being the different things they will freak out about, typically Shanghai is the least ‘patriarchal’ area of China as Shanghaiese guys here cook, clean and generally treat their girl like a princess, whereas in other parts of China, it’s not normal for the guy to cook and clean.
This of course changes the girls expectations and drama levels (Shanghaiese girls are my weakness, I love em, but they’re generally more dramatic and bitchy), hence the ‘type’ of girl you’re getting is vastly different.
A girl from a small city in Yunnan is typically gonna be more ‘traditionally minded’ and is likely going to cook, wanna marry, have kids early and wont be as well educated as a girl from Shanghai.
The major difference between East and West is that most Western girl’s can afford to date around, have fun and live their own life all throughout their twenties, whereas most Asian girl’s can’t and will try to get a ‘serious bf’ on lock down during their early twenties with the intent of marriage.
Let’s Get Serious Now!
If you’re a foreign dude already living in Asia, I’m sure you’ve already come across or at least heard of some girls trying to get guys to agree to be their bf within the first date or two, hell you can even go on most expat websites, check the dating section and see many girls stating ‘i’m looking for my true love, a serious guy who wants marriage, if you’re that then hit me up’.
That’s quite different from back home where the ‘norm’ is to be somewhat involved with each other and then ‘catch feelings’ and after a while decide to ‘be official’.
In most Asian countries, if a girl is just ‘hanging out’ with a guy and banging him, her parents would think she’s a ‘bad girl’, most local people would call her a slut.
The ‘proper’ way for a girl to do things is to date a guy that her parents have introduced her to, that has the ‘right stuff’ and is a great prospect for marriage, thus leading to the creation of the socially approved ‘successful family unit’.
Thankfully it’s 2017 and Asian culture is all about appearances.
What this means is that most Asian girls won’t get into relationships that are explicitly friends with benefits with guys that aren’t boyfriend material.
That doesn’t mean you need to become their boyfriend to be able to have sex with them, it just means that they wanna bang guys who they think are good enough to be their boyfriend, even if they don’t want the guy to be their boyfriend.
Sounds a little crazy right?
Asian girls do things this way because of social programming, cultural expectations and face.
Face is super important and influences almost everything in Asia, one of the key factors is DON’T make people lose face.
The Right Expectations
In terms of romantic relationships, this largely comes down to setting the right expectations, which is hard.
Most girls will want you to become their boyfriend and marry them, have kids etc etc, if that’s not what you want, don’t give them those expectations.
I’ve met or heard of plenty of guys who’ve come to Asia and gotten with girls by giving them false expectations, the common result is the girl going insane and either causing major life problems or at least turning up at 2am on their door step crying while they’re inside with another girl.
Do. not. do. this.
The situation sucks for both you and the girls involved, you’re way better off just setting the right expectations from the beginning so that everyone ends up being happy.
Now this is the tricky part, you can’t just blatantly say ‘we’re fuck buddies’ yet you don’t want to agree to a full relationship, so how best to communicate the right expectations that end up with you and the girl banging, having a good time but then not having a clusterfuck of a relationship?
It’s less about what you say and much more about how you behave.
One of the most important factors is that you don’t BEHAVE like a boyfriend, so for example, spending five days a week with your girl and introducing her to your parents is probably a bad move, instead spend a max of two days a week with her and don’t bring her into your existing social circles or family UNLESS you’re intent on having something more serious with her.
Texting daily is fine, daily phone calls are not.
Bringing her to hang out with your friends and getting her deeply involved in your life by getting her to help you find an apartment, buy you stuff etc etc is also a poor idea, as it communicates that you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend and also creates a lot of potential collateral damage.
Oh and for the love of god, don’t date girls from your work, ever.
At PickUpAsia we have particular ways of dealing with the typical questions you will get, such as ‘what do you want from me’ ‘what relationship are we’ ‘are you banging any other girls?’ and although I’d love to address them all in this article, I won’t.
How can you get the magical answers to those questions that save the day?
By attending our weekly PickUpAsia Discussions sessions, usually held on ZOOM every Wednesday from 9:30pm Beijing time, if you’re interested, email me at [email protected] or wechat me: KaneVast.
As ‘East vs West‘ is such a big topic, there will be a second part for this article that will cover Truth Vs Appearances, Attitudes Towards Sex and Being a Man.
Lastly, if you want to improve your game, meet some like minded people and have an awesome time, check out our upcoming summit http://www.AllAsiaSummit.com which will be held in Korea on the 4/5/6th of May in Seoul.
Until next time