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Archive for October, 2010

Do Women Really Want Adventure?

Friday, October 29th, 2010

First, the definition(taken from


1. an exciting or very unusual experience.

2. participation in exciting undertakings or enterprises: the spirit of adventure.

3. a bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome.

4. a commercial or financial speculation of any kind; venture.

Common wisdom is that everyone and especially women like adventure but as with most common wisdom, while it’s not quite wrong, it’s far from entirely right.

So, last time I was in Seoul again, I found myself once AGAIN looking for a new girl.  With my rather unconventional lifestyle and frequent travel, it’s worked out that every time I’ve gotten a girl here, the relationship hasn’t continued when I’ve returned.

This is frustratingly annoying to say the least.  There are some guys that are always out for novelty and the thrill of the hunt, but that’s not my bag.  As a friend of mine said, “I don’t like to hunt ‘em, I like to farm ‘em!”

While I’ve been here I’ve had a chance to chill out, read, exercise and muse over things while living with eNeRGy, and BlueM and Vision just upstairs.  That means I get a constant stream of data about the pickup and dating scene here and of course a broad range of guys coming at it from different angles.

And while I was walking down to get some food from the local “Kimbap Heaven” restaurant, I had a realization about the nature of adventure and what it means when it comes to dating and relationships.

We make a big mistake when we assume that more is better.  So if you take a guy who enjoys his typical 9-5 job and is gradually working his way up the corporate ladder and enjoys rock climbing on weekends, that’s pretty cool.  No doubt about that.

But it begs the question, of whether the guy who sold his company for tens of millions of dollars and now spends his time traveling the world living where he wants to live when he wants to live there, is better. 

This second guy is definitely more exciting and adventurous but he’s beyond the comfort zone of most women.  Even though they may be very interested and think it’s a extremely cool lifestyle, that’s a far cry from actually being with him.

The vast majority of women would go with guy number 1 any day of the week over guy number 2. 

And the reason is that guy number 2 is a big risk.  She has to leave her regular work-a-day lifestyle, quit her job, give up her career so she can have no idea where she’ll be or what she’ll be doing 6 months from now.

And that is more pressure than most women can bear–especially asian women.

I was thinking about this recently because I’m here in Phuket, Thailand which is a developing country at best and even here, women are not rushing to marry a foreigner and run off to Europe or America.  They want to stay here where it’s comfortable.

I was talking to a long term resident here and he said that most guys think they’ll come over here, find a “nice” woman and take her bag, but more often than not, when he sends that money over for a plane ticket instead of buying a ticket she gets herself some new clothes and gold for her mom.

That explains a lot, but now you’re wondering how you can use this information and I’ll cover that in another post.



The Shadow Knows: Part I

Sunday, October 24th, 2010

This post has been a long time in coming…even though I’ve been talking about it for a long time, I can’t seem to get it out in writing.  Weird, eh?  Even though I’m writing it out, I think I’ll audio record it at some point and post that too.

So anyway, I was in Shanghai hanging out with Sexual Kimchi.  He suggested I read a book called, Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche.  It’s a pretty quick read and I started in the middle on the chapter called: Romantic Love as Shadow.

After reading that one chapter, I stayed up the rest of the night to finish the entire book.  Very interesting stuff.

First, I’ll give the basic concept in my own words and then I’ll direct you to the web page that I think best encapsulates the concept of The Shadow.

Your shadow is the opposite side of your persona.  Your persona is what you outwardly display to other people(your “face”), and your shadow includes those aspects of who you are that are buried within where no one(and often even yourself) can see them.

However, we must express those things that are in our shadow in some way whether we want to or not, and our choice is really whether we express them in helpful or harmful ways.  A typical example would be when you’re in a bad mood and you snap at someone who doesn’t deserve it…that’s you’re shadow talking.

Looking back at history, many cultures have had ways to allow humans to express their shadows in constructive(or at least not harmful) ways.  Catholic confession and Protestant prayer come to mind immediately.  Animal and human sacrifice are both manifestations of this too, as does mardi gras in more recent times.  They all give an outlet for those qualities that each society has seen as evil.

War is also a way that allowed men to express many of their shadow desires through murder, pillage, and rape. 

(And, I don’t care who you are, if you’re a man, you have definitely thought about rape.  If you say you haven’t, you’re a fucking liar.  Man up and admit.)

Violence is something that we have to teach children to restrain themselves from at an early age.  It’s the most natural thing in the world really.  You want something, you take it.  Period.  That’s straight forward “law of the jungle” right there.

However, as part of socialization we learn that that’s not OK, and those desires are pushed into the shadow.  In modern culture though, sports takes the place of some of those drives.  Other men channel it into becoming a powerful lawyer or business person.

To be continued in Part II.

Comments welcome…